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Starbucks Employee Arrested After Woman Takes “Huge Gulp Of Semen” While Drinking Coffee

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Seattle, WA – A disgruntled Starbucks employee is now behind bars, and a loyal customer “scarred for life” after she had an unwanted “Add Shot” in her Vanilla ‘extra cream’ Latte. Crystal Gray, 32, says she ordered her usual morning ‘extra shot’ Vanilla Latte, and as always was a little creeped out by the employee Dan Murphy as he continued to flirt with her. She received her coffee, sat down and began working on her laptop.

“It was a while before I took my first sip, because the coffee is always very hot,” said Gray devastated and repulsed by what happened. “But when I did, it was like something thick was at the hole of the lid so I slurped it through and when it got into my mouth I knew something wasn’t right. Oh my God… I pressed it against the roof of my mouth and I knew it was semen. It was that damn Barista to who keeps flirting with me. I told him I wasn’t interested and this is what he does! I’m sorry, I have to end this interview, think I’m going to be sick.”

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Police were called out to question the employees at the coffee shop. Gray told police she suspected that it was Murphy, and when they checked his apron, they found a small Tupperware container which contain traces of Murphy’s semen, confirmed through DNA testing. In a recorded confession, Murphy admitted to ejaculating into the Tupperware container earlier that day before he arrived at work. He knew Gray would come in for her morning coffee, and according to the confession he “really wanted to be inside of her any way he could. Anyway, she asked for the add shot and that’s what I gave her.”

Murphy was arrested and charged with a federal felony for tainting food and causing illness. Gray will have to undergo several tests to assure she has not contracted any type of disease due to her contaminated coffee. Starbucks released a statement saying that Murphy was immediately fired and will no longer be able to seek employment at any Starbucks location.

 Police suggest taking the lid off of your coffee before drinking it, as semen will normally “float to the top” and be noticed by the consumer.