TOP COMPLAINTS OF MRS. CLAUS
One little red elf-sock in the wrong hamper and you’ve got yourself a whole shitload of pink underwear.
The big guy’s been despondent ever since the santatoyz.com IPO fell through.
Two words: “Reindeer-Style”.
He can remember which of 2.4 billion kids have been naughty or nice… but does he remember to replace the roll of toilet paper when it runs out? Nooooooo.
That whole “knows if you’ve been bad or good” thing makes it mighty hard to cheat at Yahtzee.
That chubby little beret-wearing intern elf seems to be awfully smitten with Santa.
365 days a year of freezing weather = 365 days of elf wisecracks about your “headlights” being on.
That “The bag’s all empty — but Santa has a little something for you in his pants!” line got old about 250 years ago.
He sees you when you’re sleeping.
Mounting legal bills in “Gore v. Kringle” breach of promise lawsuit.
Ever tried getting squished-elf stains and reindeer poop out of red velvet pants?
One night a year to sneak out with the girlfriends, and all the bars are closed.
Managing toy production, keeping elves in line, cleaning up after reindeer… meanwhile, fatboy sits around 364 days out of the year and gets all the glory.